Teacher Tell Me Whats My Lesson
by A Damned Scientist
Summary: Imaginary leporine sidekicks, wormholes in time and space, madness? They were made for each other.


**Teacher tell me, what's my lesson? (15)**

**Summary**: Imaginary leporine sidekicks, wormholes in time and space, madness? They were made for each other.

**Rating and warning: **R. Oops, was 15, but I've just realised there isnt a 15 here. Contains madness, general darkness, mention of child abuse and mention of murder. You may find this disturbing. If you don't find anything disturbing about this story… perhaps you lack imagination. The Bunnies have been bad. Very bad. Only a small bowl of popcorn will be necessary. You won't be watching the whole movie, so don't bother buying a hotdog.

**Spoilers:** Haven't seen Farscape or Donnie Darko? Then you won't have a clue what this is all about anyway.

**Disclaimer:** Neither Farscape nor Donnie Darko are mine. And yet they invade my thoughts anyway. No money was made, only my time was lost.

_ Donnie Darko turned to look at Gretchen, who was snoozing beside him in the nearly deserted, dust-drenched cinema. However, Donnie's attention was dragged away from both his sleeping girlfriend and from the movie by the sinister, seven foot tall caricature of a grey rabbit which was sitting just two seats beyond her.

Donnie wasn't that surprised to see that Frank, as he called his imaginary, demonic rabbit companion, had manifested himself once again. After all, Donnie freely admitted that he was emotionally disturbed, he had even used it as a chat-up line on Gretchen. And Frank appearing now was one of the less disturbing things that had happened to Donnie recently. Not even having a jet engine fall from the sky onto his bedroom counted as the most troubling thing in Donnie's twisted world these days.

'Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?' Donnie asked Frank. Donnie's dark grin as he asked his question might have disturbed any casual onlooker even more than the appearance of the nightmarish rabbit. The rabbit turned it's dead white, bulbous eyes to Donnie.

'Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?' The rabbit quipped in a cultured, English accent.

Donnie's grin quirked slightly, then faded. 'Take it off!' Donnie whispered, his voice barely audible over the slowly banging sign on the movie soundtrack.

Frank eased the hood of his rabbit suit off of his head. Underneath was another hood, this one made of black leather, tightly covering all of the head but the face with three fine bands of leather trisecting Frank's face. And what a face it was, even more disturbing than the rabbit face: Hollow, eager eyes were matched by a cadaverous complexion and sunken cheeks. Sharp, discoloured teeth grinned out between thin, black lips whilst a cluster of small red neon lights flashed slowly on the side of his head, where his ear might have been. The figure inspected the rabbit-mask in his hands for a few seconds.

'Hmm, another rabbit suit. Grey, not pink this time. Interesting. What is it with humans and giant, imaginary rabbits?'

Donnie turned back to watch the film for a few seconds.

'Hello, Donald,' the corpse said in a rather chirpy tone, then glanced back at the cinema screen. 'Is this movie the Last Temptation of Christ or the Evil Dead?' Then Frank held up a finger to silence any reply. 'No, don't tell me, I'll figure it out.'

Donnie stole a glance back at his new companion. 'Frank, what's up with your face?' he asked.

'That is not important,' Frank replied, his voice even as he turned his own deathly gaze to Donnie. 'And I am not Frank. Call me….. Harvey. Yes, Harvey will be fine for now. No, Donald, what is important is that your world is due to end in a few days. But of course, I believe you already know this?' The last was more a statement than a question.

Donnie was well aware of this prediction, although he was unsure as to quite what it meant. Could it mean the planet and everything on it would be destroyed? Or was it something more metaphysical? He did not know. But neither did he know who this new and sinister hallucination might be.

'So, Harvey, what'ya doing here? Who are you? Really?' Donnie asked, nodding.

'Someone who can help you.' The figure gushed and grinned again. Not that he ever really stopped grinning, it was all a matter of degrees. 'You see, currently you have to choose between your world ending, and….. certain other events, which I believe you will find… Unsatisfactory. I have come to offer you another alternative.' The corpse's delivery was cultured, considered and a little staccato. But, Donnie mused, nothing like Captain James T. Kirk. Nothing at all.

'What you want from me? In return?'

'You humans…' The figure stopped speaking, considered what it was saying, and started again. 'Well, some of you humans… You have a remarkable ability to manipulate space and time through wormholes. I believe you are beginning to realise that you are one such person?'

'Like Grandma Death?'

'The book you have been reading? Ah yes. Now, if you will follow my advice, you can repair your reality, and avert the end of your world, all without certain…. unpleasantries befalling yourself in the process. In return, you will come and work for me and help me with my research into wormholes….. Portals, as you know them. Of course, you can always do without my help, and maybe get yourself killed.'

'Do you think you're making sense? Cos I got to tell you….'

'When the time cones to revert the timeline, you will understand, Donald.' The corpse' tone grew more insistent. 'At that time, you must make your way into the basement of your house. Open the cellar door, and I will be waiting for you on the other side: The…. Thing… that would bring your death will be unable to follow you through the doorway, as it leads to another place and time. My place and time.'

'Why should I trust you?' Donnie shrugged.

'But of course, you shouldn't. As a little offering, though, to build trust: You do not like Mr Cunningham and his acolytes, yes?

Donnie nodded in the affirmative.

'Mr Cunningham abuses small children. Three years ago he murdered a baby and recorded the act for his sexual gratification. He has a secret room for the performing and recording his crimes. Burn down his house, and all this will be revealed to your law enforcers.' Harvey spoke matter-of-factly, with a grin, as though he were discussing the latest weather rather than heinous crimes.

Donnie pondered on this for a while, seeming to watch the movie. Then, having processed this new information, he returned his smile to Harvey the corpse. He was starting to quite like his latest imaginary friend.

'How'd you get in here?' Donny asked, lifting his eyebrows to indicate the auditorium.

'Oh, I'm not really here at all. I'm here.' The figure tapped the side of his head and then pointed at Donnie, to indicate that he existed inside Donnie's mind.

Donnie laughed, but the sound was quiet and humourless. 'Figures.' I'm just a kid with emotional problems, Donnie thought. 'So why should I listen to you if you're just in my head?'

'Do I not have a trustworthy sort of face?' Harvey's grin grew even broader. You could chew through metal with those teeth, decided Donnie.

'Are you sure about all this? I'm crazy, you know?' Donnie realized that he had all but accepted Harvey's cryptic offer. He only hoped that, when the time came, he could make sense of it and keep his part in sealing the deal.

'Oh, don't worry, I'm used to dealing with crazy humans.' Harvey paused for a moment and glanced back towards the screen, as though musing on a distant memory. 'What is it? Ah yes. The quality of my mercy is not strained by your madness.'

How odd, mused Donnie. A Shakespeare-misquoting imaginary corpse trying to strike some sort of Faustian pact while wearing a tight leather hood under a rabbit suit. Donnie was still pondering whether he should discuss this first with his English teacher, his physics teacher or his psychiatrist as Harvey picked up his rabbit hood and began to settle it back onto his head.

'Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to finish watching this film, I've heard it is very educational. Have you ever seen a wormhole?' Harvey asked, as a swirling portal seemed to appear on the screen, swallowing the movie and spitting out an image of Cunningham's house. It truly was fascinating, and educational.

'And now,' Harvey added, 'I believe you have a house to set fire to?' The suggestion caused a hint of a smile to tickle Donnie's features, as he pulled his hoodie over his head and stood to leave.

End


End file.
